If disappointment can kills, I'm murdered tonight again

This would be the last of such issues I would be talking about.
I know mainly that I have no such rights and/or standings to make any comments so this time round, I'm keeping my damn mouth shut.

If only you realised what it is that I wanted, I am looking for, hoping for all these time, I wouldn't have go the way I did that evening.
The disappointments built over time is enough and now that I gave up the right to be so, I shouldn't said too much.

"What does it matter what I think?"

It's true. What does it matter to you? Not HOW but WHAT.

I tried my best to be as objective and fair to the whole situation as well as to both of us. But there is only so much I can try to do so when I always can never hear from you. There is only so much I can rely on my guesses, my already shaken faith.

You are not here.
Not here when I wanted you to.
Not here when I cried.
Not here to answer my insecurities.
Not here anymore.

You know the feeling of when you try your best wanting to believe in something again, wanting to grasp something dear to heart...but all you get is your insecurites again and then your tears flood your beliefs again.
Not just once but over and over again?

You tell me how many times can one's heart goes through disappointment over and over again before it's dead?

Thanks to everything, I now find myself too scare to believe in anything again.

Tonight is over.
If disappointment can kills, I'm murdered tonight again.